We’re meant to enjoy our birthdays and embrace the limelight shined on us for the day, but it’s not always as easy as just appreciating the recognition you might get.
It depends on the person you ask. Some people genuinely embody themselves on their birthdays, as it lets them embrace who they are. It’s almost required that this day be about them, and it should be acknowledged. However, many don’t get the same enjoyment out of birthdays as is expected.
Birthdays are all about transition, especially when entering adulthood. We are expected to quickly adapt all the skills we need to find our way in the real world, which puts pressure on that day because it marks a time when more is expected of us.
“Those who have a diagnosis of depression or anxiety may be more likely to experience sadness on their birthday. Major life events or holidays can trigger anxious feelings or emptiness,” says Karmen Smith, a licensed social worker who specializes in depression and anxiety.
When expectations for holidays are high, as they have been for a long time, it’s easy to feel loads of preemptive sadness or stress. You’re expected to bask in and embrace the spotlight, and when that moment comes, it can feel almost like a performance you must put on for others.
“Birthdays can bring up feelings of our mortality, which is not something we think of normally,” says Smith.
Aging and accepting it, it’s natural to think about the birthdays to come and the ages that come with them. As aging is depicted as a negative thing, it’s normal to see each year as an impending doom, aiming to take away one’s youth and life.
As someone who tends to dread their birthday, I even know it’s important to be in the moment and not worry about aging too much, especially when you’re younger. It is normal to go through a lot of transitions in adolescence, so to be constantly reminiscing or prematurely transitioning yourself into more grown roles only makes you regret it later on because you didn’t take time to enjoy the age you once were.
Psychologist Dr. Lira de la Rosa says “When we try to avoid the emotions, we may be increasing the intensity of the emotion and we will continue to feel it until we process it.”
Every birthday is its milestone, so it becomes more important to make the most of each one by surrounding yourself with people who can help you enjoy it. It’s easy to put yourself down on your birthday and think you’re not worth the effort, but putting in that extra work to make the day enjoyable by setting something up, making plans with friends and family, or doing anything that you enjoy personally so they day can become a less dreaded day.
