A cold sensation washes over me at a simple word, dread and discomfort following in waves. A word that isn’t me yet will haunt me on every legal document and at every job interview. The word that holds so little yet so much power in my life. Shackled to me until I can scarf up enough money to change it, but like that will ever happen in this economy. In a timid voice I say here hoping that this is just a mistake.
They used that word to describe me again, I think with a tired sigh. How many times have I corrected them by now? 500 times, 5000 times, maybe more, maybe less. I don’t know, it all blurred together after 50. On another day, the cashier hands me my chocolate with a “have a nice day ma’am” I just say you too before walking back to the car with my family waiting inside. I wish I didn’t look this way, I wish I could just be happy and in a body that didn’t make life feel like a chore. With that thought, I slide back into the car with a dream that feels like I can never reach it.
The trans experience in general while diverse and unique depending on the person, tends to be bumpy and at times depressing. The misgendering, intentional or not hurts knowing that people don’t see them as how they want to be seen. The intentional kind hurts the most, the constant use of a term that doesn’t describe them knowing that is not how they wished to be called. Feels like a punch in the gut, with each misuse. The constant deadnaming also is a struggle faced by these people. Their deadname is constantly on every legal document that they receive along with an identity that isn’t theirs. To be able to change this they have to pay hundreds of dollars and wait months just to be known as who you want to be. This doesn’t even scratch some of the problems that trans people experience in their life. It doesn’t mention the dysphoria that is felt by trans people by just looking into a mirror, nor the violence that faces them at every turn. Now I should mention that this isn’t every trans person’s experience, it’s just a common experience that happens to trans people. You don’t have to feel like this to be valid or anything like that; it is about how you feel within your own gender. Gender is a social construct and is different from sex and gender presentation, you could be male or any kind of gender orientation and wear a dress but that doesn’t make you a girl or anything else. It just means you have style.
In school it can be a mixed experience depending on how the school handles it, CHHS seems to handle it well and actively works with students to help them to change their name on powerschool so their name change is more well known. The teachers have also been accepting of the changes and have worked to make students feel more comfortable. My experience with how my dead name has been handled has overall been extremely positive with the occasional mistake with the name but that happens once in a blue moon. Overall CHHS handles the situation with deadnaming especially well with little to no mistakes when it comes to it.
From what I know of the situation with pronouns it isn’t the best. You have to go up to a teacher and tell them your pronouns, which if you’re here for a year isn’t that bad since you only have to do it 6 times but if you go here you have to do around 24 times which can get tiring when you include having to correct them. I should mention that some people are content with their current pronouns or use any pronouns so it doesn’t affect them too much but for those it does, it can get tiring. There is a simple solution though, and that is going to the front office and requesting them to put whatever pronouns you use in a note in powerschool that all your teachers can see. It could help with the misgendering that can happen by the teachers and decrease it.
Overall CHHS handles deadnaming really well, and only has a problem with pronouns that can be easily fixed. It is also quite easy to get this done since all you have to do is talk to the counselors/front office, that is easy for any student to access. It’s stuff like this that makes being trans easier, knowing that you have a safe place that you can be yourself. It is what all schools should strive to be, and that should be celebrated by both the students and staff at CHHS.
